From an early age I’ve been curious about kink. In fact I think that’s where kinks come from: deep in our childhood and therefore deep in our brains. I think a fantasy, a thought, a creeping curiosity takes hold and roots itself into our developing minds and grows with us, sending its tendrils into every facet of our lives. Kinks are integrated into psyches; Kinks are primal. Some of us tap into those earlier than others. I discovered mine in August of this year. Life begins at thirty seven for me.
Some of my kinks come from redirected abuse. Both my love for impact play and my oral fixation come from this place. My parents beat the shit out of me, literally, and then beat me some more because I soiled myself. I took their abuse and made it kinky and I practically get off on it now. I smile inside and think, “Thank you Daddy. May have more?” The perversion of their righteousness pomposity makes it even better. My step brother would fuck my mouth until I nearly passed out. Now I love to suck on things, can stare at someone’s mouth for hours, and I love tasting my lovers’ spit. If you kiss me and don’t let me try to swallow your tongue, you’re missing out.
Others come from shear curiosity. As a young boy I’d sometimes play with the handheld shower head and accidentally point it directly at my ass hole and now I love enemas and being fucked in the ass. I have no reason why, but I’ve always been aroused by being restrained, so I like bondage.
If you are a seasoned kinkster or otherwise you may be reading this thinking these are pretty vanilla. I make no qualms about it, they are. These are my known kinks and fetishes. It’s the ones I don’t know that I want to discover. I’ve been bound up in unsatisfactory relationships and one failed marriage for the bulk of my adult life, but now I’m free to explore and wander and be the man I want to be.
That story begins today, and I am not alone. I have a guide, a mentor, a woman who blasted into my life from my distant past who brings with her a lifetime of experiences and passions. She is my Beloved. Capital B. And I am her pet.